


and i am sorry my conscience called in sick again

by flyingthesky



Series: #murderselfies [2]
Category: Exquisite Corpse - Poppy Z. Brite
Genre: Corpses, Dogs, Implied/Referenced Necrophilia, Just People Death, Multi, No Animal Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-21
Updated: 2014-06-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:15:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21527350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flyingthesky/pseuds/flyingthesky
Summary: Everything is going super fine until the day that Gertrude brings back a finger. From a human body.“No,” Tran says immediately. Andrew’s eyes are really wide and Tran prays to every god there is that Andrew will not fuck this corpse. “We should report it to the cops.”
Relationships: Jay Byrne/Andrew Compton/Vincent Tran
Series: #murderselfies [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1551559
Kudos: 1





	and i am sorry my conscience called in sick again

Jay and Andrew won’t let Tran adopt an army of small children, so they compromise and let them get a dog. They get a toy poodle, despite both Jay and Andrew saying _no_.

Since Tran gets a toy poodle, Andrew complains and complains until Jay relents and lets Andrew get a beagle. An _English_ beagle, because Andrew is stupidly British. He teaches it how to find dead things, because he can.

A couple weeks after Andrew gets his dog, Jay comes home from a board meeting or what the fuck ever (Tran doesn’t know and they don’t _want_ to know) with the most ridiculous German shepherd any of them have ever seen.

Regardless, they all start going to the dog park. Jay runs around with his ridiculous beast of an animal while Tran and Andrew sit on a bench. Andrew’s dog, which is named Gertrude for whatever reason, runs around and brings back roadkill and other dead things, while Tran’s dog mostly sits on their lap.

(Jay and Andrew are both so mad about Tran’s dog. They carry it around in a little bag, just to annoy the both of them.)

Everything is going super fine until the day that Gertrude brings back a finger. From a human body.

“No,” Tran says immediately. Andrew’s eyes are really wide and Tran prays to every god there is that Andrew will not fuck this corpse. “We should report it to the cops.”

“Tran,” Andrew says. “ _Tran_.”

“ _No_. No, we’re gonna follow Gertrude and report the body to the cops.” Andrew’s still not convinced, so Tran sighs. “I will make it up to you later, but I would rather my boyfriend not go to jail because he couldn’t _keep it in his pants_.”

“ _Fine_ ,” Andrew says. It’s long-suffering, but he tells Gertrude to fetch, and she immediately runs off.

The body is fresh. It kind of disturbs Tran that they know this sort of thing now, but that’s what happens when you date serial killers. Andrew is eyeing it lovingly, and Tran smacks him.

"I’m calling the police now,” Tran says. They pull out their cellphone and dial while Andrew pulls out his and starts taking photos.

Later, once Jay has finished running forty miles or whatever the hell he does with his monster dog, he heads back to the car only to find Andrew and Tran arguing against it.

“Did something happen while I was gone?”

“You,” Andrew says excitedly, “will never believe what we found today.”

**Author's Note:**

> [itv cast david tennant as the irl andrew compton](https://news.avclub.com/david-tennant-makes-last-ditch-effort-to-stop-entire-pl-1840016047) which is everything i didn't know i wanted


End file.
